Did I mention that I'm pregnant with our baby #4?
Pregnancy enhances my anxiety. BIG TIME. And even though I am only 6 weeks along (or so), the past couple of days I have felt like I am going to explode!
I wake up at least 5 times a night, usually more, to check on my children. I'm certain that the house is going to catch fire and I'm going to be out of luck because my 72-hour kits aren't up to date.
Every time I hear a noise on my baby monitor that's linked to my girls' bedroom, I think it's someone trying to break into their bedroom to take them from me. And then I have to run as fast as I can to the other side of the house to check on them. Always to find them sleeping soundly, peacefully.
The only problem I ever find is that a child or two has kicked off their blankets and I gently tuck them back in. I get great joy in tucking my babies back in.
I don't know why, really I don't, but I feel like as a mother, I am solely responsible for the safety and well-being of my children. I know my dear hubby loves our children and should be in on it too, but seriously, if something were to happen in the middle of the night, he wouldn't know it because he snores like a freight train and sleeps like a rock.
It's no wonder I'm exhausted all day long. And my anxiety worsens when I'm tired. And then I'm less patient with my sweet children. And then I'm not happy with myself when I'm not the loving mother that I know that I should be, can be, that I want to be, that my Heavenly Father expects me to be.
Today I read this quote on a friends blog:
Keep Calm and Be Joyful
Simple, beautiful. It was meant for me.
I simply need to calm down. I need to take joy in my days. And have peace in my nights. I need to remember that the Spirit is in our home. And that I work very hard to ensure that the Spirit is in our home at all times. And that Spirit is with me. I need to remember that as long as I do my part, that I will be blessed with the gift of personal revelation, and with definitive promptings by the Holy Ghost. Like I was here.
And my Heavenly Father will help me overcome my anxieties as I trust in his promises. I need to relax - and be more trusting. I need to remember that when I strive to have the Spirit with me always, that I will know when my children need me most.
At the end of the day, I know that trusting in Him will bring me peace. The kind of peace that I can't give myself.
2 comments:
Those are some tough anxiety issues. I am sorry you are having to go through that. I hope the tension will be eased soon. Maybe once everything settles down and you get used to the new school routine. Good luck.
Boy, can I ever relate. I was never afraid of flying until I had kids. Now all I can think about is how there would be no possible way for me to save my babies if something went wrong. I never thought about dying in a plane crash before that. I hear noises in the night too and HAVE to get up to check on my kids. I'm a paranoid wreck.
For sure I need to calm down.
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